Signs of a romance scammer: what they say, and how to check

Most matches are exactly who they say they are. A romance scammer usually gives themselves away through what they ask of you, and US agencies have published the patterns in plain terms.

Short answer: The clearest signs of a romance scammer are a match who falls for you fast, wants to leave the dating app for a private messaging app, always has a reason not to meet or video call, and then asks for money, gift cards, crypto or help moving money. Other signs named by the FBI, its Internet Crime Complaint Center (IC3) and the FTC: a job or posting far away, a sudden crisis with pressure to pay, investment tips, requests for private photos and stories that don't add up. A money request from someone you have never met in person is enough to stop. You don't need proof to stop replying and report the profile.

12 signs of a romance scammer, and who names each one

Each sign comes from a US agency's own pages unless noted; sign 4 comes from the dating apps. IC3's list is from an August 2019 alert that is still live.

1. They want to leave the app quickly. The FBI warns about someone who "quickly asks you to leave a dating service or social media site to communicate directly." In April 2024, IC3 advised staying on the dating site's messaging service, "since many of these offer some safety features." Named by: FBI, FTC, IC3, CFTC.
2. They seem too perfect, too soon. They like everything you like. IC3 lists claims that meeting you was 'destiny' or 'fate', "especially early in communication." Named by: FBI, IC3, FTC.
3. They never manage to meet. Something always comes up. The FBI says that if you haven't met after a few months, "you have good reason to be suspicious." The usual excuses are in will a romance scammer meet in person. Named by: FBI, FTC, Secret Service.
4. They dodge video calls. Tinder's safety tips say to be wary of anyone who won't talk on a phone or video call, and Hinge says a match who only wants to text is probably a red flag. Agreeing to a call proves little: the Secret Service says video calls "are not enough proof of their real identity," and IC3 warned in December 2024 about AI-made videos used to 'prove' a contact is real. Named by: Tinder, Hinge (dating apps). The Secret Service and IC3 warn that a call alone is not proof.
5. They live or work far away. An oil rig, a military posting, a contract abroad. IC3 flags someone who "Claims to be from the U.S. but is currently living, working, or traveling abroad." The soldier and oil rig versions are covered in military romance scams. Named by: FTC, IC3, FBI, Secret Service.
6. A crisis arrives, with a deadline. A hospital bill, an arrest, a customs fee. IC3 lists someone who "Reports a sudden personal crisis and pressures you to provide financial assistance." Named by: IC3, Secret Service, FTC.
7. They ask for money, and say how to pay. The FTC names wires, gift cards with their PIN codes, money transfer apps and cryptocurrency. The Secret Service adds gift cards with photos of the codes sent by message. Named by: FTC, FBI, IC3, Secret Service.
8. They offer to teach you to invest. The CFTC lists a contact who claims "to be wealthy due to crypto or foreign currency trading successes" and steers you to a trading site. The CFTC says the gangs behind it call the scheme 'sha zhu pan', "otherwise known as pig butchering." Named by: CFTC, IC3, FTC.
9. They ask you to receive or move money. Accept a deposit and send it on, or open an account for them. On its Money Mules page (as of September 2026), the FBI says "Acting as a money mule is illegal and punishable, even if you aren’t aware you’re committing a crime." This is general information, not legal advice. Named by: FBI, IC3, Secret Service.
10. They ask for private photos. The FBI warns about requests for "inappropriate photos or financial information that could later be used to extort you." Named by: FBI, FTC.
11. They send a 'verification' link or ask for a code. In April 2024, IC3 warned about matches who, "Under the guise of safety," send a link to a 'free' verification site that signs victims up for recurring payments. Don't use any site a match sends you to. The FTC's general rule on codes fits here too: "Never give your verification code to someone else." Named by: IC3 (the FTC's code rule is general, not written about dating).
12. Their story shifts, and they want it kept quiet. IC3 lists someone who "Tells inconsistent or grandiose stories" and "Gives vague answers to specific questions." The FBI warns about anyone who "attempts to isolate you from friends and family." Named by: IC3, FBI (and AARP, a nonprofit, on secrecy).

Phrases romance scammers use

None of the agency pages we read publishes full sample messages. These lines are examples we wrote to show each pattern. The patterns come from the FTC, the FBI, IC3, the CFTC and the Secret Service, and the video-call row comes from Tinder's and Hinge's safety pages. The last column names the sign or FTC category each line illustrates.

The FTC did count the lies. In a February 2023 Data Spotlight, it ran a keyword analysis of the written accounts in 8,070 romance scam reports from 2022 that included a dollar loss and a long narrative, and counted how often each lie appeared. These are the FTC's own labels. Added together, the shares come to more than the whole, so some reports must contain more than one lie:

• "I or someone close to me is sick, hurt, or in jail": 24%
• "I can teach you how to invest": 18%
• "I'm in the military far away": 18%
• "I need help with an important delivery": 18%
• "We've never met, but let's talk about marriage": 12%
• "I've come into some money or gold": 7%
• "I'm on an oil rig or ship": 6%
• "You can trust me with your private pictures": 3%

How a romance scam usually unfolds

Not every scam follows every step.

1. Contact. It starts on a dating app, Instagram, Facebook or a 'wrong number' text, and moves to a private messaging app soon after.
2. Grooming. Daily messages and a fast romance. The FBI says the scammer "wants to establish a relationship as quickly as possible." AARP, a nonprofit, cites Mark Solomon, president of the International Association of Financial Crimes Investigators, who says the scammer will communicate many times, sometimes over weeks or months.
3. The first ask. A crisis, a ticket to visit you, a package fee or an investment tip. It often looks small or temporary.
4. More asks. IC3 describes money that "did not arrive" and must be resent, or a fake flight followed by a claimed arrest and a bail request. In the investment version, the CFTC says you may be encouraged to withdraw some early profits, then get locked out and told to pay fake fees or 'taxes'.
5. The end. The scammer vanishes, or asks you to move money for them. The Secret Service warns that victims can be turned into "unwitting criminals" this way. IC3 says investment scam victims are also targeted by recovery scams, and the FTC says these offer to get your money back if you pay first.

How common romance scams are

People aged 60 and over filed 10,188 confidence and romance complaints with IC3 in 2025 and reported $584,032,745 in losses, according to the FBI's 2025 Internet Crime Report. That is fewer than half of the category's 23,159 complaints and most of its $929 million in reported losses. IC3's category also covers people tricked by someone posing as family or a friend, so it is wider than dating.

AI is now part of it. IC3's 2025 report says victims lost over $19 million in 2025 to confidence and romance scams with a likely AI link. The same category also includes grandparent or 'distress' scams, IC3 says, which use voice cloning to mimic a loved one.

Where it starts matters too. In an April 2026 Data Spotlight, the FTC counted $298 million reported lost in 2025 to romance scams that started on social media. The FTC did not collect reports during the 2025 government shutdown.

Read the two agencies' numbers separately. In its February 2023 Data Spotlight, the FTC says its figures include reports filed with IC3, so adding the two agencies' numbers together can count some cases twice. The FTC adds that most frauds are not reported to the government, so these figures undercount the harm.

How to check a match before you send anything or meet

The FBI's advice is to "Go slowly and ask lots of questions." A genuine match won't mind any of these checks.

• Search their photos. The FTC suggests a reverse image search of the profile picture: a photo tied to another name, or to details that don't match, points to a scam. Our guide to reverse image searching a dating photo shows how.
• Search their story. The FTC suggests searching the person's job with the word "scammer" to see whether others have posted similar stories.
• Look at the profile itself. Thin profiles and model photos have their own tells, covered in how to tell if a dating profile is fake.
• Ask for a video call, then keep checking. Refusing is a red flag. Agreeing is not proof, because of AI video, so pair the call with the photo checks.
• Talk to someone you trust. The FTC asks: "Do your friends or family say they’re concerned about your new love interest?"
• Use only checks you choose. Never click a link or 'safety' site a match sends you.

If the match came from Tinder, our guide to Tinder scams covers the app-specific versions.

What to do if you think it is a scam

You don't need to be sure before you act.

1. Stop sending money and stop replying. The FTC says to stop communicating with the person immediately. Don't confront them: Bumble's safety guidance warns that it "could put your physical safety at risk."
2. Keep the messages. Screenshot the chat and the profile. Keep receipts. Note the dates and amounts.
3. Report the profile to the app where you met, or to the social network.
4. Report the scam to the FTC at ReportFraud.ftc.gov and to the FBI at ic3.gov. IC3 says to file "even if you are unsure of whether your complaint qualifies."
5. Call your bank or the payment service you used, straight away, and ask them to stop or reverse the transfer. For gift cards, contact the card issuer and keep the card and receipt. Use a number from the bank's own app or card, never one the match gave you.
6. If someone is threatening to share photos, save the evidence, don't pay, and report it to the FBI.
7. If you are in danger, call 911.

Then watch for the second scam. Anyone who offers to recover your money for an upfront fee is running one. The FTC says government agencies "will never ask for money to help you get a refund," and IC3 says it "will never directly contact you for information or money." IC3 logged 10,516 recovery scam complaints and $1.4 billion in losses in 2025, a total that may include money lost in the earlier scam.

None of this is your fault. The FBI describes the people behind these scams as "experts at what they do."

A next step before your next date

Most matches will pass every check here. If you want to look up a match's public side yourself, TrulyWho starts from their email or phone number and, in about a minute, shows their accounts, photos and work. It leaves out dating and adult sites, isn't a consumer reporting agency and can't tell you whether someone is a scammer, so compare what it shows with what your match has told you.

FAQ

What are common romance scammer phrases?

Lines that rush love, excuses not to meet or video call, and stories that end in money. In a February 2023 FTC review of 2022 reports, the most common lie was "I or someone close to me is sick, hurt, or in jail," at 24% of the reports studied. Three lies tied next, at 18% each: "I can teach you how to invest," "I'm in the military far away" and "I need help with an important delivery."

How do you know if you are chatting with a scammer?

Look for the combination: a fast romance, a push to leave the app, no meeting and no video call, then a request for money, gift cards, crypto, codes or bank details. One sign alone may be innocent, but a money request from someone you haven't met in person is reason enough to stop.

How do you prove someone is a romance scammer?

You don't need to. None of the agency pages we read asks you to prove anything before you act. Stop contact, keep the messages and report the profile to the app and the scam to ReportFraud.ftc.gov and ic3.gov. IC3 asks people to file "even if you are unsure of whether your complaint qualifies."

Should you try to outsmart a romance scammer?

No. Testing or baiting a scammer keeps you in contact, and Bumble warns that confronting one could put your physical safety at risk. In June 2025, the FTC's advice was: "If you think someone you met on social media is a scammer, cut ties." Then report it.

What does a romance scammer want?

Money, in the end, or something that turns into money: gift cards, crypto, your bank account to move funds through, private photos to use for extortion, or a code that opens your accounts. However caring the messages seem, the FBI says, "Eventually, they will ask for money."

How long will a romance scammer talk to you?

Often for weeks or months before the first ask. AARP describes contact over weeks or months, and the CFTC says the grooming in investment scams "can take several weeks." The FBI says that not meeting after a few months is good reason to be suspicious. For more on timing and excuses, read will a romance scammer meet in person.