Most matches who suggest a first date are exactly who they say they are. Romance scammers are the exception, and the first date is the one thing they keep putting off.
Short answer: Almost never. The FBI says romance scammers may make plans to meet in person, "but that will never happen. Eventually, they will ask for money." Meeting someone does not, on its own, prove they are safe or honest, so keep your usual first-date habits. If a match you have never met asks for money, gift cards, crypto or help with an investment, stop sending money, call your bank, keep the messages, and report the profile in the app, at ReportFraud.ftc.gov and at ic3.gov.
Romance scam excuses at a glance
Each row comes from the FTC, FBI, CFTC or a dating app's safety page, read on October 5, 2026 (the FBI pages through archived copies).
| The excuse | What it leads to | What to do |
|---|---|---|
| Working on a building project outside the US | A request for money for a medical emergency or an unexpected legal fee, per the FBI | Don't send money to someone you haven't met; ask for a live video call |
| Serving in the military on a base far away | A request for money, maybe for a plane ticket to visit you or medical expenses, per the FTC | Search their name, photos and claimed job online |
| Stuck abroad though from your country | A request for financial help to get home, which Tinder flags as a warning sign | Report the profile in the app |
| Planning a visit, then something goes wrong | Money for the ticket, a fake travel itinerary, then a story about an arrest and a request for bail, per IC3 | Don't pay for anyone's travel; talk to someone you trust |
| Sending you a valuable package | A customs or other made-up fee, and a package that never arrives, per the FTC | Never pay to receive a package |
| Not able to video call | Tinder says they "may not be who they say they are" | Ask for a call in real time before you meet |
| Asking you to receive money and pass it on | You become a money mule, which the FBI says is illegal "even if you aren't aware you're committing a crime" | Say no and tell your bank |
| Sharing investment tips or a trading app | A fake investment, often after weeks of daily messages, per the CFTC | Don't invest on a match's advice |
Why do romance scammers avoid meeting in person?
A meeting would end the story. "Most cyber criminals do not use their own photographs," according to an August 2019 alert from IC3, the FBI's internet crime complaint center.
So the excuse comes built in. "Reports show their excuse is often baked right into their fake identity," the FTC wrote in a February 2023 Data Spotlight. It named a faraway military base as the most popular excuse.
The FBI adds construction projects outside the US, which make it easier to avoid meeting and to ask later for emergency money. Don't expect the story to sound fake. The FBI says romance scammers "will seem genuine, caring, and believable."
The visit that never happens
Many scammers do talk about meeting. A joint SEC, CFTC, FINRA and NASAA alert says they "might even suggest meeting in person but then come up with excuses so that this never happens."
The August 2019 IC3 alert describes the usual sequence. After months of messages, the scammer says they want to come to the US to meet you, "claims not to have the money to pay for travel and asks the victim to wire funds." Some send a fake travel itinerary. When they don't arrive, they say they were arrested and ask for bail money. IC3 says the requests for money can go on until the victim can't or won't pay any more.
The FTC lists the same asks, such as help to "buy their ticket to visit you, pay for their visa." If a visit is always one payment away, you have your answer. The FTC's rule: "Never send money or gifts to a sweetheart you haven't met in person."
When someone does meet you in person
Meeting face to face rules out the person who doesn't exist, but not every risk. No FTC or FBI page we read says this outright. It is our reading of the federal prosecutors' cases below.
A con that used dating apps. A July 2025 federal indictment in California alleges that a man used Tinder, Hinge and Bumble to con victims out of more than $2 million. According to the US Attorney's Office, he allegedly posed as financially successful, signed contracts with victims for fake investments, and was paid by wire transfer, Cash App, Zelle or cash. The release describes romantic relationships, contracts and payments, and does not say whether he met the victims in person. These are allegations, and the defendant is presumed innocent unless proven guilty in court.
Robberies that start with a date. Federal cases announced in Dallas (2021), Los Angeles (2022) and St. Louis (2026) involved people who used a dating app to arrange a meeting, then robbed the person they met. In the Dallas case, victims were lured to an apartment complex, held at gunpoint and forced to withdraw cash at ATMs. In the other two, money was taken at gunpoint or through the victims' own payment apps, in some cases at the victim's home.
Romance victims turned into money mules. Here the scammer asks you to move money for them. In a December 2019 alert, IC3 says unwitting money mules "are typically recruited via romance scams." The FBI lists this red flag: "An online contact or companion, whom you have never met in person, asks you to receive money and then forward these funds." In a December 2021 alert, IC3 said money-mule charges can carry "fines reaching $1,000,000 and up to 30 years in prison." This is general information, not legal advice.
Can a romance scammer video call you?
Many won't. The CFTC describes scammers who call or text daily "but are too shy or unable to video chat or meet in person." Its advice: "If contacts refuse to meet or video chat, that should be a red flag."
Some send fake videos. In a December 2024 alert, the FBI said criminals use generative AI to "create videos for private communications" so a contact seems like a real person. The same alert warned of live AI video chats posing as executives or authority figures. It told people to look for "distorted hands or feet, unrealistic teeth or eyes."
A call helps, but make it hard to fake. The CFTC suggests a real-time check, such as a selfie holding a paper with your name and the date.
How long will a romance scammer talk to you?
There is no official average. The FBI gives a point to start asking questions: "If you haven't met the person after a few months, for whatever reason, you have good reason to be suspicious."
Timelines vary. In the investment version, the CFTC says "Over a few weeks, conversations subtly turn more and more to money and markets." In Whitty's 2013 interview study of 20 people targeted by romance scams, 19 of them in the UK, the fake relationships "lasted from a couple of months to 3 years."
Speed is a warning sign too. The FBI says the scammer "wants to establish a relationship as quickly as possible."
How many romance scams are reported
People filed 23,159 confidence/romance fraud complaints with IC3 in 2025 and reported $929,287,469 in losses, according to the FBI's 2025 annual report from IC3. That category also covers family and friendship scams, such as the grandparent scheme. The same report counts 17,910 complaints and $672,009,052 in losses in 2024. People aged 60 and over filed 10,188 of those 2025 confidence/romance complaints and reported $584,032,745 in losses.
The FTC counts reports differently. Nearly 60% of people who reported losing money to a romance scam in 2025 said it started on a social media platform, according to FTC data released in April 2026. People reported losing $298M to romance scams that started on social media in 2025, per an FTC Data Spotlight from the same month. The FTC did not collect reports during the 2025 government shutdown. FBI and FTC figures count different reports, so don't add them together.
How to check a match is real before a first date
These steps protect you, and none of them accuses anyone.
- Do a reverse image search of their profile photos. The FTC says a photo "associated with another name or with details that don't match up" is a sign of a scam. Here is how to reverse image search a dating profile.
- Search their name and story. The FBI suggests checking whether "the image, name, or details have been used elsewhere."
- Ask for a video call before you meet. Hinge calls a phone or video chat "a useful screening tool before meeting in person."
- Know what an app badge means. Hinge says its Selfie Verification "confirms a user's photos match their face" but does not confirm their name, age or other identity details.
- Meet in a busy public place, as Hinge and Tinder both advise (Hinge says for the first few dates), and tell a friend or family member where and when you're going.
- Never send money or invest because a match suggested it. The CFTC says to avoid trading offers from people met on dating apps "even if the relationship has been building for weeks or months."
For the date itself, see how to stay safe on a first date.
What to do if a match asks for money, or you already sent it
- Stop paying and stop replying. The FTC's advice: "Stop communicating with the person immediately."
- Call your bank or payment app right away. For a bank transfer or Zelle, the FTC says to ask them "to reverse the payment and refund your money." It also warns that the money "might be gone already."
- Keep everything. IC3's money-mule alert advises keeping receipts, contact information and messages "so the information may be passed to law enforcement."
- Report the profile in the app. Tinder and Hinge both ask you to report any user who asks you for money.
- Report the scam at ReportFraud.ftc.gov and at ic3.gov. IC3 asks you to "file a report even if you are unsure of whether your complaint qualifies."
- If you are in immediate danger, call 911 or your local police.
For when a fake profile becomes a crime, see is catfishing illegal. For the scripts on one app, see common Tinder scams.
Before you meet a match
TrulyWho shows a match's public accounts, photos and work from their email or phone in about a minute, and checks whether their photo appears on other pages. Reports leave out dating and adult sites. If all you have is a number, see how to find someone's social media by phone number.
FAQ
How long will a romance scammer talk to you?
No official source gives an average. The FBI says that if you haven't met the person "after a few months, for whatever reason, you have good reason to be suspicious." The CFTC says investment scammers may turn the talk to money within a few weeks. Treat a long wait with no meeting as a reason to slow down and ask questions.
Will a scammer talk to you every day?
Often, yes. The FTC says that in a typical romance scam "You might talk or chat several times a day. But they can't meet up." The CFTC describes scammers who are soon calling or texting daily. Real matches message daily too, so watch for the rest of the pattern: no meeting, no live video call, and talk that turns to money.
Why would a scammer want to meet in person?
Some crimes need a meeting. Federal cases announced in 2021, 2022 and 2026 involved people who used dating apps to arrange a meeting and then robbed the person they met. Keep first dates in a busy public place and tell a friend where you are.
How do you check whether a match is real?
Do a reverse image search of their photos, search their name and story, and ask for a live video call before you meet, as the FTC, the FBI and Hinge suggest. The CFTC also suggests a selfie holding a paper with your name and the date. The FBI's rule: never send money to anyone you have only communicated with online or by phone.
Can a romance scammer video call you?
Some refuse, and the CFTC calls refusing to meet or video chat "a red flag." Others send AI-made videos. In December 2024, the FBI warned that criminals use generative AI to make videos for private chats, and to run live video chats posing as executives or authority figures. Ask for a real-time check before you trust a call.
Do romance scammers fall in love with their victims?
No official source we read says they do. FBI Kansas City says scammers "trick a victim into thinking they are falling in love, when they are instead falling for a scam," and the CFTC says the love interest is part of the scam from the start. In Whitty's 2013 interview study, most victims were deeply in love with the fake persona, and that is what moved them to send money.
Keep reading
What can someone do with a picture of your ID? What to know before a match asks for it
What a picture of your driver's license gives a stranger, what it usually can't do on its own, and what to do today if a match already has one.
Angel shot: what it means, and how to get help on a date
What ordering an angel shot asks bar staff to do, why it only works where staff know the code, and a plan for getting help on a date that doesn't rely on it.
Signs of being roofied on a date, and what to do next
The signs you may have been drugged on a date, the steps for the next few hours, how long drugs stay detectable, and what drink tests can and can't tell you.